By James B. Hyatt
Membership to the GROWW Web site doesn't cost money, but the site's volunteers and visitors already have paid a price beyond measure.
One woman lost her husband, a police officer killed during a traffic stop. A mother lost her 19-year-old daughter to suicide. One man's wife was killed in a traffic accident, leaving him with their five-month-old daughter.
There are more stories.
Several people lost spouses, parents and friends to cancer, heart disease or other illnesses. Too many people lost loved ones to drunk drivers. Some people still can't talk about who they lost, or how, because the pain is still intense.
These are the stories of some of the 78 volunteers who run Grief Recovery Online (founded by) Widows and Widowers (http://www.groww.org) - also known as GROWW - a Web site dedicated to providing grieving people of all kinds a safe, anonymous, nonjudgmental place to find solace, vent anger or simply to talk to someone else who knows what it's like to lose a loved one.
"We have a wonderful range of people, all ages, all life styles, but none of that matters," says GROWW founder Judy Divers. "It's the reason why they are here that is the bond."
GROWW has thousands of members. GROWW's membership is primarily older females. And unlike those who run many sites, the group zealously protects its membership.
"I watch the rooms like a she-wolf," Divers says. "Our members find very quickly this is a 'safe area' for them."
GROWW has its roots in America Online's chat rooms, where Divers turned after losing her husband, Bill, in 1992. The Florida resident didn't have much computer experience, but found AOL easy to use.
She decided to get directly involved with her own online recovery effort and developed AOL's "Widows and Widowers" support group, which grew to more than 2,500 people in a matter of months.
One of those people was Randi Rauh Tyler. Tyler and Divers become close friends and helped support each other as the AOL group continued to grow.
Eventually, the two women and other group members decided the grieving process is better done in a controlled environment free from advertising banners, e-mail solicitations and other distractions that might interfere with the emotional support being offered.
It was this realization that led Divers to establish GROWW in 1997. Tyler became the site's Web administrator and vice president.
They were joined in the effort by Jim Kennedy, who had lost his wife, Liz, to a stroke in 1996. Kennedy become the marketing and strategic planning director, and was aided by Charlene Lucy and Terri Taylor.
The group found server space, chat software and volunteers to get the site up and running.
The site has more than 20 chat rooms, each one for a specific type of loss. Volunteers patrol the site on a regular basis and host discussions at scheduled times.
The chat rooms use ParaChat, a sophisticated, Java-enabled chat system by Paralogic Software Corp. Users need to have browsers that fully support Java, either the Microsoft Internet Explorer 3.0 or higher, or Netscape Navigator 4.0 or higher for optimal use.
GROWW offers specific tips for AOL users, Macintosh owners and others who may have problems using ParaChat with their operating systems.
The site's volunteers will make sure visitors get the help they need to gain access to the chat rooms, which include:
- Golden Angels for senior citizens who have lost a spouse or child
- Guiding Angels for adults and children who have lost or are losing parents
- Heavenly Angels for parents who have lost young children, or miscarried or had stillbirths
- Kindred Angels for those who have lost sibling, cousins or best friends
- Silenced Angels for those who have lost loved ones to violence
- Reluctant Angels for people who are left behind by suicide
- Unexpected Angels for those who have experienced the sudden death of a loved one
Other site features include a message board where people may post memorials or messages for the community at large, and a number of information pages detailing the various GROWW branches and activities, links to other sites and grief recovery information.
GROWW's most important asset, however, is its volunteers.
These people give their time to host frequent meetings and patrol the chat rooms for problems such as "argumentative, inflammatory" postings or online predators looking to exploit emotionally-needy grieving people.
Each volunteer goes through a training period with Divers. At the end of training, volunteers sign a confidentiality pledge that also requires them to stay nonjudgmental in their counseling.
For a site that doesn't accept advertising and hopes each visitor will eventually outgrow what it offers, GROWW has grown rapidly.
The group has done this through links to a large number of grief-related sites and by submitting its site to as many search engines as the group can find.
"We hope to become recognized as the premier site for the bereaved and to help other sister sites do what we do: help one another through the cycle of pain," says Kennedy, the marketing director. "We don't want our members to stay. We want them to heal and move on, [although] we expect some will return to help others."
The growth has come at a real cost, however. The nonprofit operates mostly on donations from Divers and other members, with a few outside contributions.
Most of the startup money came from an insurance settlement by Divers. She has since sold her house, but that money is running out.
GROWW is developing a sponsorship and donation plan to help keep the site running.
Whatever the cost, the work has been worth the reward, Divers says.
"I can feel their pain, but I have learned that I have to detach from it because it's a constant reminder," she says. "I have seen how far I have come in my own healing by watching them.
"It's overwhelming to see a dream come alive and to see it working."
James B. Hyatt can be reached at
jbhyatt@mindspring.com
